Overcome Your Resistance To Change

Everybody resists change. Sometimes resisting change is good… but often it’s not.

• Resistance is good when it helps us pay attention and focuses us.
• Resistance is unhealthy when it paralyzes us or holds us back from being our best.

Being aware of what you are resisting and what is holding you back is informative and empowering. If you are going to be the best you can be, you have to learn to explore what is going on when you feel resistance. In today’s world, not changing usually means falling behind and eventually being left behind. But, by adapting to change you are more likely to reach your full potential.

So, lets explore how to overcome your resistance to change.

Step #1: What Do You Feel?

You don’t resist all change – even today. Change is exciting for many reasons, like when you get a new smartphone, a new car or a new home. Under those circumstances you deal with the learning curve and discomfort with a big smile.

Change is also difficult for many reasons. For example, when you are feeling:

• Disrespected from not being involved
• Frustrated with the amount of work required
• Loss of what you built and will have to leave behind
• Fear from not knowing what is going to happen next.
• Other?

Nothing is going to empower you more than understanding the source of your resistance. When you begin examining what‘s holding you back, you may find the exact resource you need that will help you move forward productively.

And yes, you will likely feel vulnerable. If you are the strong confident type who others depend on you are likely not used to exposing your vulnerabilities. You are going to have to find a safe space or a safe person who you can confide in. You need to create an impartial, reliable, qualified support system. Note: your best friend may be reliable, but they may not be impartial or qualified. This is where a professional, certified coach may work. More on this below in #5.

Step #2: Consider The Upside Of Change 

Many people resist change because they fear the unknown and/or don’t want to repeat a negative experience. Unfortunately, using resistance as a way to protect yourself often backfires because it limits your experiences. Instead of looking at the limitations and risks that come with change, try to look at change as the very thing that opens the door to your next opportunity.

Most beliefs are learned or put in place to protect us emotionally and physically. So, choose to believe that change is a good. When you choose your perspective, you can easily rewire your internal system around change. For example, you can choose to believe “change is doable because I are resourceful,” or “change brings me amazing opportunities”.

Ask yourself “What would I do if I wanted change to work?” Explore what is important to you – and what isn’t? And, it’s always a good idea to explore how your resistance may jeopardize your personal / professional priorities.

Step #3: A Little Research Goes A Long Way

Find out more about the change you are being asked to make. Empower yourself by informing yourself, especially if you are naturally risk averse.

If change is happening at work, speak with your supervisor or someone appropriate. Why is the change happening? Your senior team should have explained this, but if your nature requires more detail then it’s OK to ask for it. Another way you can find out more is to go online and do some research on the topic. If your company is using a service provider, are they leaders in their field? Are there other service providers? Are there product or service reviews you can learn from?

Step #4: Stop Playing Hide-And-Seek

Pain and discomfort only happen during the transition… soon you’ll find the requested change isn’t so bad after all.

Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. If you start isolating yourself and / or you have lost interest in important things like work, hobbies, friends and family, be careful that you are not sliding into a depression. Monitor your anxiety is negative self-talk. The story you tell yourself can seriously affect your default behaviours. If you catch yourself saying, “I’m scared,” replace it with, “I’m courageous,” or “This is the right move forward.” Judging yourself only keeps you stuck… so stop it.

Accept that the future will be better when you do what you need to… for you, your family and/or your company. Be proud of yourself, and each time you do remind yourself that you are human and that it’s ok to lean on someone from time-to-time.

Warning: Too much positive affirmation can become an endless circle of never-ending non-action. You have to take action – don’t get stuck in reflection and planning. Care enough for yourself to not get stuck.

Step #5: Involve Someone Else

Resisting change is a serious thing. A little can be tolerated but a lot can really hold you back. When you are faced with a big decision and you are resisting, look for someone experiencing the same change request. If you are at work there is likely are a few of you being asked to change, so help each other. I don’t mean get together and groan because misery loves company. Instead, get together and explore how you can support each other to move forward and accept, influence and implement change… to get over your resistance. Explore the upside of change together.

A coach can help ensure you are held accountable and can provide the reality check you need. Things are less scary when you have someone with you. Note: Not every coach will be the right fit for you / your personality. If you go that route, interview a few and see who fits.

Step #6: Take A Step – Do Something

Make a list, take baby steps if necessary…but do something. Even if you can’t change 100% right away, do something to help you build a new habit. One approach when you are unsure how to start is to start anywhere. At least you are doing something and you can always back-track as necessary.

Accept that it is scary… and may be humbling, especially if you are used to being in control. Accept you will not be perfect… at least at first.

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.” (John Lubbock: Banker, Liberal politician, Philanthropist)

Conclusion: Overcome Your Resistance To Change

Resisting change is the same as resisting reality.

Embrace a learning mindset in every situation. Evaluate the change request before you respond to it. Ask yourself, “Would I want to work with someone looking for solutions or someone known to resist change?” Hopefully you want to work with someone looking for solutions.

Change always takes time and effort. Change means you have to build new habits – and this usually takes 20-30 days to lock down a new habit. You have to reinforce that bundle of nerves in your brain to change your default settings.

You can’t hold onto something (a job for example), whose time has passed. This will only narrow your options… quickly. No amount of wishing, manipulating, forcing. or hoping can change that. Change allows you to be innovative. Now is the time to learn as much as you can. Don’t miss all of the wonderful opportunities that are right in front of you by staying focused on the past.

PS: People often get to a point where they are done resisting, they can’t do it anymore because they realize there is a far to great a cost to their:

• Self-esteem
• Reputation
• Talent
• Attitude
• Emotion
• Weight
• Relationships
• $ / Job / Promotion
• Health

I hope you enjoyed this post. Thank you for sticking with me – I know it was a long one.

Bruce

Bruce Mayhew Consulting facilitates courses including Generational Differences, Leadership Skills, Motivation Skills, Difficult Conversation Training, Business Email Etiquette, Time Management, Mindfulness and more.

Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

Call us at 416.617.0462.