How To Disagree With Your Boss Without Damaging Your Career: Part II

To Read Part I please Click Here.

In Part I of this article I began laying out 8 tips on how to challenge your boss in a smart and effective way. Here are the final few tips to help you with this complicated topic.

I am a strong believer that most plans have multiple options for success… but we don’t have time to debate every one of them. When you decide to bring an idea forward make sure it is about making noticeable business impact.

The best teams thrive on productive disagreement. If you can promote that with your team you will be part of a dynamic, strategic powerhouse that will achieve great things. You will be showing others what success looks like.

Prepare Your Message / How To Disagree With Your Boss!

You have to communicate your counter argument in a non-threatening way or risk the consequences. You don’t want to argue with your boss and earn the reputation as an arrogant / difficult employee. You do want a reputation as someone who is respectful and gets things done.

The fate of your reputation and your idea lies in your purpose and how you express your disagreement.Screen Shot 2018-01-08 at 1.54.58 PM

An easy way to respect your boss when you have an idea is to ask if you can share. For example, “I’d like to share an idea I have for the project that I think will have a positive impact but I’m concerned it may sound like I doubt the project. I want to assure you that I don’t. May I share my ideas?” This approach helps set people’s expectations and make what you are about to say sound less threatening. The less you can surprise people the less risk you will have of triggering a defensive response.

You can be attentive… but in the end, you cannot control how someone feels. So, stay aware of how others respond and perhaps most importantly… how they are feeling. People often shut-down when they feel disrespected… whether you mean it or not.

Plan your message in advance. Research your idea (as suggested above), but in most cases you don’t want to spend days and days preparing to introduce your idea for a few reasons. First, it may look like you are aggressively pushing your agenda. Second, you don’t want your boss to think you have wasted valuable time preparing an elaborate presentation for an ‘idea / suggestion’ you have. Only you can make that decision based on the project, your work environment, attitudes and workloads.

As you prepare your plan, choose the word you will use carefully – be non-aggressive. For example:

  • Don’t use the words “I disagree”, instead try offering “recommendations” or “suggestions”.
  • Be careful of the word “should”, perhaps use the words, “consider” or “could”.
  • Ask, “Can I offer a suggestion.” Do not say “I have a better idea.
  • Ask for “background”, not the “rationale” when inquiring about other existing approaches.
  • Try using “I” statements to describe what you are feeling. For example, “I feel there may be another approach that may help.
  • Under no circumstances should you make people feel stupid, embarrassed and absolutely no name-calling.

I recommend practicing your first sentence beforehand – at least your first sentence. Keep your message simple and to the point.

When you speak:

  1. State the topic on which you disagree and explain your position. Talk about what you are feeling – but don’t be emotional. Don’t use inflammatory or accusatory language. Don’t complain or disagree but do have a solution. Offer suggestions including S.M.A.R.T. reasons why you think your idea is helpful.
  2. Reintroduce the plan goals and values remembering to promote the parts of the existing plan that you do agree with. Don’t make it appear the decision is a Win-Lose event; every decision should be a Win-Win. You want to be a team player who is focused on supporting the team, the company and the project goals.
  3. Present your idea with pride, confidence and enthusiasm but do not appear like a know-it-all who’s challenging their authority. Be polite and professional.
  4. Be careful about including your co-workers unless you have their absolute permission… and in this case, I hope they are sitting with you when you present the idea. You want to speak for yourself and let others speak for themselves.
  5. Let your boss know you are looking forward to their input / thoughts / questions about your idea. Two-way feedback allows you both to work through details and perhaps clarify project important goals that may impact your idea / the project.

You want to support your career goals – not hurt them. Don’t present a list of problems to your boss without any thought of a solution.

Eventually, when you have done this a few times (and have a great boss who trusts you), you’ll be able to speak your mind without damaging your career.

Be Careful With Emotion

As I always say in my Managing Difficult Conversation workshops, share emotion but don’t be emotional. Sharing emotion lets people know you care… that you are human. Believe it or not, that approach increases the chances of your idea being heard… and accepted (if it is a good idea). Bosses get nervous when employees appear emotionally attached. For Example: Calmly saying, ‘I feel very connected to this project and I want it to succeed’ shows you care. But, pounding on the boardroom table and screaming those same words suggests you have lost perspective and are not thinking rationally.

Always remain calm and confident. Never lose your temper.

Let It Go / Know When To Back Down / Respect the Final Decision

Your boss doesn’t agree with your suggestion / idea? Thank your boss for the opportunity and then let it go! As a leader, your boss may have 100 reasons for their decision. For example, the company strategy could be shifting in response to competitors’ moves (but not yet been shared company-wide). Stay calm, carry on.

Be sure your boss understands you will fully support whatever decision is agreed upon. The more you make them feel it isn’t a competition for you the more they won’t feel it’s a competition next time you have a suggestion. Protect your reputation and your influence for your career.

There will be many times during your career that you will not always agree with the decisions others make – and others wont agree with you…and that’s OK. By letting this be OK you will get the experience of working on many important projects. Trust me – that collection of experience and being part of many collaborative teams where you will meet and work with great people is far more important.

Conclusion

My corporate training and coaching career has proven to me that every workplace has a variety of personalities, work styles, cultures, education and experience; so, challenges are inevitable. So, making them work for us – not against us is important.

Great Leaders primary responsibility it to build long-term company success. How they do this is by listening to dedicated, talented, hard-working employees and earning employee trust. When great leaders have employees who feel listened to and trusted, these employees will often also be the leaders most loyal and motivated employees; a great leaders most important asset – a leaders best opportunity to achieve their responsibilities.

Disagreement is helpful as long as it’s strategic, measurable, actionable, relevant and timely.

SUMMARY:

  • Don’t have a conversation when either of your attention is elsewhere – like on a tight deadline or running to pick up the kids after work.
  • Tell your boss you have a suggestion for an alternative approach… then ask them if they would like to schedule a one-on-one meeting. Challenging your boss in front of others is risky – for you and your idea.
  • Prepare for any conversation, but especially when you are challenging your boss. Your first sentence is important – it will set the mood for the whole meeting. Take every precaution to not sound confrontational.
  • Be sensitive to their mood… especially if they often get stressed easily.
  • Never embarrass anyone – especially someone you report to.
  • Never seem aggressive, condescending, or accusatory.
  • Never make demands.
  • Always respect them and respect their final decision.

Happy communicating, mentoring and working with people from all generations.

To Read Part I please Click Here.

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If you enjoyed this post we think you’ll like:

Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Managing Difficult Conversations, Business Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

Bruce Mayhew on Canada AM

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Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

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How To Disagree With Your Boss Without Damaging Your Career: Part I

To Read Part II please Click Here.

If you are a talented employee, what do you do if you want to disagree with your boss without damaging your career? Do you sit back and wait until you have a great boss, or do you learn how to disagree with the boss you have without damaging your career? I believe the answer is clear; to be in control of your professional success you have to learn how to disagree with your boss in a respectful, productive way.Screen Shot 2018-01-08 at 1.45.34 PM

When it comes to disagreeing with your boss the challenge is to never appear like you undermining their authority. Respect is key! Your ideas also cannot appear to be a threat to your boss’ goals or the project goals. Your ideas should be inspirational and clearly demonstrate your commitment to company success. For example, you might say, “I have an idea that will help us improve client retention” versus negative, “This project is doomed and only my idea will save it.” When you introduce your idea in a positive way you can prove yourself as an important team member and a forward-thinking employee who adds value.

I offer you these tips on how to challenge your boss in a smart and effective way… and apologize now for the length of this article… but it is not an easy challenge to solve.

Here are 8 key steps:

  1. Have a good point / Pick your battles wisely
  2. Stop being a ‘Yes’ person
  3. Know your boss (and your team)
  4. Find time when you both have time
  5. Do research / Know your stuff
  6. Build trust
  7. Prepare your message / How to deliver your message well
  8. Let it go if they don’t agree / Respect the final decision

1.  Have A Good Point / Pick Your Battles Wisely

Make sure your suggestion is worth the trouble; it should add measurable, strategic value to the final project. A ‘tweak’ isn’t worth the risk to your reputation.

Before you speak ask yourself, “Am I adding value and is the idea S.M.A.R.T. (Strategic, Measurable, Actionable, Relevant and Timely)?” You also want to ask yourself , “Is this my responsibility and how might the other person ‘feel’?” You want to be focused on important work not busy work. You also want to make sure it’s your responsibility… or at least will impact one of your responsibilities. If you proceed, make sure your approach and tone of voice is positive, respectful and collaborative.

Do not be the negative person who points out the things the team can’t realistically change or will make no difference.

2. Stop Being A ‘Yes’ Person

If you go along with every decision your boss makes you are known as a ‘yes’ person and not likely using your talents to the best of your abilities.

You may be hurting your ability to be promoted if you always follow the pack. If done well, challenging your boss will help you stand out for a future promotion / recognition because it demonstrates leadership, courage and your ability to negotiate and collaborate. It also demonstrates creativity and strategic thinking.

The best companies thrive because they embrace employees who respectfully disagree with their boss. Great leaders want (and all leaders need) their employees to contribute to original ideas… to speak up about important right things at the right time.

3. Know Your Boss

Arguing with your boss is a losing proposition.

Is your boss going to react badly to any idea that’s not their own? I once had a boss like that. If the answer is yes it may be better to warm up your resume… you need to find a work environment where you can show your leadership qualities and learn to manage all of the difficult conversations / difficult situations leaders have to manage every day.

Poor leaders don’t want to be challenged by their employees but great leaders encouraged and promoted people to challenge one another. Great bosses want their employees to add their experience and expertise into the mix. Innovation, diversification and long-term company success demands this.

When you know your boss you can motivate them by using the language they use. Plan your proposal from their perspective. If they think in numbers be sure to show solid numbers. If they think about marketing and brand, frame your idea in that language.

Find Time When You Both Have Time

Know your boss’ personality and triggers. Find a time when you both are thinking clearly and your emotions are not triggered. Don’t approach your boss if either of you are stressed or in a bad mood or running to pick up your kids from the sitter.

If you are in a meeting, be very sensitive to both who is in the room and what your idea entails. If your boss’ boss is around be very careful not to embarrass anyone – including yourself. You want whatever you do to build the trust and respect of your boss and coworkers.

When and where you choose to share your idea can make a world of difference in how your boss reacts vs. responds to your opinion.

Do Research / Know Your Stuff

When you decide to speak you have to be accurate and to-the-point… especially if you have senior people in the room. So, before you lay your reputation and perhaps your job on the line, be sure you:

  • Know why any current decisions have been made
  • Research your idea – including important criteria like budget, employee impact, customer impact and timing

Once you feel confident (and this may take only seconds if you are experienced with the project), sketch out a high-level plan. Anticipate any possible counter-arguments your boss and/or team may have. Perhaps use the S.M.A.R.T. model to test the existing plan and then the value of your idea. Preparing a well thought out S.M.A.R.T. plan means your boss is more likely to be open to listening to what you want to say / share.

You may also want to check out a supplier/stakeholder or two – but don’t do so much it looks like you are hijacking the project or putting supplier/stakeholder relationships at risk.

No matter how well you prepare there’s always a chance your input will not be acted upon. You have to be OK with that outcome.

Build Trust

Trust is at the center of all good employee-employer relations. Without it there’s virtually no hope you can persuade your boss your idea has value.

Trust is a two-way street, and you have to do your part to earn it. Your first day on the job might not be the best day to disagree with your boss (unless you’ve been promoted from within). If your boss specifically asks for your opinion then carefully offer a suggestion for ‘discussion / evaluation purposes based on the project goals’.

How can you build trust over time?

  • Be positive – glass half-full not half-empty
  • Take humble credit for your successes and take quick credit for your errors (be solutions oriented)
  • Demonstrate empathy and compassion for your work and coworkers
  • Learn the company goals and values… and all project goals and values
  • Meet your project deadlines – practice good time management
  • Make sure your performance is consistently high-quality and in line with project goals and values
  • Be a team player – manage everyone’s expectations… including your own
  • Be flexible and communicate clearly

Demonstrate you are a reliable team player and you understand the work. Do it right and your boss may come looking for you next time they want a fresh opinion. Do it wrong and you might find it career limiting.

Conclusion

There will be many times during your career that you will not always agree with the decisions others make – and others will not agree with you…and that’s OK. By letting this be OK you will get the experience of working on many important projects.

Happy communicating, mentoring and working with people from all generations.

To Read Part II please Click Here.

Click here to join our priority list to receive our latest Business Communication blog posts.

If you enjoyed this post we think you’ll like:

Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Managing Difficult Conversations, Business Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

Bruce Mayhew on Canada AM

Click on the image to watch us on Canada AM.

Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

Call us at 416.617.0462.

View Bruce Mayhew's profile on LinkedIn

Bruce Mayhew Consulting

I’d enjoy reading your comments on this post.

 

When An Employee Is Undermining Your Authority. What To Do!

Only a few situations are more unpleasant for leaders than needing to provide constructive feedback to a ‘team member’ in your care who is undermining your authority. I don’t mean an employee who engages in practical, respectful, invited debate… because that’s OK. I mean an employee who may be:

  • Not taking responsibly for their work – blaming others
  • Not doing as you asked – or as the team agreed
  • Doing the opposite of what you asked – or the team agreed
  • Talking behind your back
  • Intentionally bypassing you for people higher up the hierarchy chain
  • Other… 

Real Example: An analyst was happy to take credit for good work, but their faults were consistently blamed on incomplete data provided by another department. Sure – management intervention may be required in the other department. However, it is a very serious issue when an analyst knowingly passes on poor quality data (without any comment until it is noticed by their boss). In my view that analyst now has no fewer than eight performance behaviours and/or impacts that need to be addressed. They are:

  1. Knowingly delivering poor quality work
  2. Not being responsible for their work – blaming others for shortfalls
  3. Eroding the trust other professionals have in their abilities / their work
  4. Willingly putting the reputation of their co-workers and the whole department (and likely organization), at risk if the inconsistencies were not caught by their boss
  5. Consciously putting the deadline at risk as they correct their work
  6. The time, cost and opportunity lost by them, the leader and very likely their co-workers to correct their poor work quality (hopefully on time)
  7. The time, cost and opportunity lost by their leader to have to double and perhaps triple check all of their future work
  8. The time, cost and opportunity lost by their leader to coach the individual until trust in their work is established

No matter what the reason for the undermining behaviour, it’s important leaders act on disrespectful employee behaviour quickly. Any delay may be translated by the architect and/or others as acceptable behaviour.

The first solution I support is to be sure you clearly communicate expectations in advance to your whole team. The best defence is a great offense; stop problems before they start.

  • How? Regularly share the organization values. Discuss how these values can impact their work and their behaviours.
  • When? Early January after year-end holidays would be perfect time to review the values. But don’t wait for calendar year-end. Fiscal year-end would also be a natural fit – or at the end a big project; or after starting at a new department or company. Don’t delay – find any opportunity!

We Have To Accept… Our Complex World Is Full Of Challenges

Leaders have more responsibility than ever. They are entrusted to continually reinforce the trust, vision, goals and values of the organization and to engage employees by providing learning and advancement opportunities. Leaders do all of this and more with the ultimate goal of creating a dependable, strategic and socially sound foundation that supports the profitable distribution of your organizations products and/or services. Phew!

And… today’s complex and global workspaces often reflect multiple generations and multiple cultural backgrounds. Employee diversity is a good thing because it increases creativity, problem solving and it tends to prepare the organization to increase its market share by attracting more diverse, satisfied and loyal customers. Today’s complex and global workspaces can also create challenges as different social norms begin mixing – hierarchy being an example of the possible challenges.

That said, for a team to truly be productive they all have to agree to collaborate on a shared goal, share expertise and experience, to support the decisions the team makes – and to support each other. An employee who is undermining a leaders authority can cause serious damage. A cohesive team has to demonstrate mutual respect, commitment and honesty – without them they are a group of individuals, not a team.

How To Have Difficult Conversations With A Challenging Employee

Whether it is unconscious insubordination or conscious insubordination, focus on solutions. We also have to accept challenges are usually not isolated to one person’s behaviour. More than one person may also need to change behaviours. As my dad would say, “it takes two to tango”. But, when dealing with the individual – here are steps I recommend.

1. Arm yourself with the facts.

Have a single goal in mind and familiarize yourself with several very specific examples of their undesirable behaviour. You must have observed these examples – they cannot be hear-say. Also, don’t use words like ‘always’ and ‘never’; do use phrases like, ‘I notice when’.  Be ready to share how their behaviour makes you feel and how it impacts the team and/or project.

2. Connect with HR

You may want to visit human resources before you approach the employee who is undermining your authority. Discuss your observations. Discuss if you should make this a formal or informal (off their record), discussion. My personal approach is to keep things off the record for the first discussion (everyone is allowed to make a mistake), but I’m also clear of the implications if the undesirable behaviour continues.

3. Be mindful of their mood and your mood.

It’s not a good time when you are both running to an important, stressful meeting.

4. Manage your emotions and look at the situation objectively.

Calmly present your goal and your observations.

Show empathy and patience. You have had time to prepare but your employee may not be expecting this conversation; they may not even recognize their behaviour is disruptive.

Don’t assign blame. Keep the mission, values and vision of the organization and department in mind when you share your observations. Describe how the specific incidents you documented undermine the values of the organization. Explain the negative impact their behaviours may have for their professional future (in a non-threatening way). Also explain the negative impact their behaviours have on the team and likely the company. The more you can personalize the impact, the more they will likely see the need for change – and that you are trying to help them as much as yourself, the team, the company.

Share the behaviour you expect. Involve them in determining what changes they will have to make and how their future performance can be measured to confirm improved / changed behaviour.

For example: “I don’t know if you realize, but you push back nearly every time there’s a change or a new assignment… just like you did yesterday with the XYZ project. Pushing back as frequently as you are is disruptive to the team. Have you noticed this? I would like to hear how are you feeling when I assign you a new piece of work and your thoughts about how to manage new priorities in the future”.

5. Do your best not to trigger fear.

If they do get triggered, don’t let them trigger your fight-or-flight mechanisms. You have to stay calm. If you feel you are becoming angry or upset don’t argue. One way some leaders find helpful and that I recommend is naming the experience you are feeling and that you want to take a break to go to get a glass of water.

6. Don’t be funny or familiar.

Seriously. Humour is a very risky thing in situations like this. It can backfire and get you into trouble with Legal and/or HR… not to mention the employee.

7. Follow-up

Following your conversation with you challenging employee, thank them for their cooperation. Show your confidence in their ability to change (stop undermining your authority).

8. Keep your eyes open for continued behaviour.

One discussion will rarely solve a problem on its own. Reinforce when you see they are trying to make positive changes and identify slips into the old pattern. Give prompt feedback.

9. Document everything

In the end, document what you both agreed to with respect to future actions and behaviour – come to a written agreement. It doesn’t have to be a formal reprimand – but it could be an agreement between you and them.

Be Prepared For A Deeper Cause

As you address your difficult employee, recognize that sometimes bad behaviour is a symptom of a deep problem in their personal lives. A worker’s personal life and work life are greatly interconnected. That doesn’t mean it should be tolerated for long.

If you uncover some personal challenge, I suggest you recommend they find a private councillor. Your work benefits and your HR department may facilitate this. A personal matter doesn’t mean they get to keep up their unprofessional behaviour at work – but it may mean you have to spend a bit more time coaching / mentoring them.

Conclusion

Addressing unfavourable behaviour quickly is important. An employee who undermines their leader and/or their team authority can contaminate the workspace, productivity, employee engagement and even other employee’s loyalty. Your quick action and the constructive feedback will likely also help the employee. By helping them fix behaviour they may not have even been aware you may save a wonderful, successful career that could have otherwise been derailed unnecessarily. Dealing with difficult situations makes you a hero.

Leadership is a Journey.
I hope you enjoy the Journey… it is a wonderful opportunity.

Happy communicating, mentoring and working with people from all generations.

Click here to join our priority list to receive our latest Business Communication blog posts.

If you enjoyed this post we think you’ll like:

Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Business Writing, Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

Bruce Mayhew on Canada AM

Click on the image to watch us on Canada AM.

Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

Call us at 416.617.0462.

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Bruce Mayhew Consulting

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The Elephant In The Room: 3 Steps As You Prepare For A Difficult Conversation

You and I have something in common – I don’t like having difficult conversations either. That said, I could write a book about how to deal with the elephant in the room and all the experiences I’ve had coaching and training others.

Avoiding or ignoring the elephant in the room doesn’t do anyone any good – including for the elephant. At work or at home, if there is a bossy or aggressive or undependable or disengaged person around I can almost guarantee:

  • Silence and denial will not make the elephant in the room go away
  • The behaviour of the elephant usually gets worse

When there is an elephant in the room it’s demotivating to everyone; they effect us deeply. They zap our energy. Nobody wants to be around people who are difficult and/or who let the people around them down. At work and at home we are less loyal and less willing to go the extra mile for difficult people. And worse yet – the constant stress of dealing with an elephant in the room is not good for our mental or physical health – a challenge for us personally, professionally and a great expense for any employer.

But do our problems (and the company problems), end there? Nope!

If the elephant in the room isn’t dealt with, other people may feel it’s OK to be their own unique version of an elephant. Yup, other people can begin behaving badly as well… because it’s tolerated. At work, new employees and new leaders who see this behavior being tolerated might learn terrible leadership and collaboration skills that can haunt them their whole career. If we do nothing we may be training new leaders and co-workers to be loud, bossy, unsupportive and dictatorial; and lets not do that – Millennials and Get Z have a bad enough reputation as it is.

No matter if you are at work or home, if you want to learn how to manage the elephant in the room and how to prepare for a difficult conversation, here are a few steps.

Step 1
Accept the elephants’ reality is based on their perspective and they may not be evil. Begin with kindness and give them the benefit of the doubt; they may not realize the impact they are having. Or, they may (mistakenly), see their toxic nature as a good thing – as an effective, productive way to quickly getting things done.

Step 2
Help your elephant be self-aware and see other people’s perspective. Help your elephant see the negative impact they are having on other people. Help your elephant see that other peoples perspectives are as valid as their own.Perspectivist : Perspectivism

If at work, help your elephant in the room see the negative impact on the project, creativity and morale including the longer-term costs to their career, employee loyalty and company success.

Step 3
The elephant must make a decision to work toward change… or to not change and accept the impact of their decision.

If they decide to work toward change you both must recognize change doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a struggle. If the elephant is willing to work with you, help them tap into their empathy. One way to do this is to demonstrate your empathy, compassion and curiosity.

Also, come to an agreement early on that you will manage each other’s triggers and frustration. Agree you will both stay open, present, patient, listen and trust each other to be honest. Agree that getting angry will not help.

Once you have done steps 1 – 3, share your story with them. What do you see? How do you feel? What are the short-term and long-term consequences of their actions / behaviour?

Don’t be judgmental and don’t attack; be supportive. If you attack them they will stop listening and either shut down or attack back… or both (almost all of us react this way when attacked). Ask them to share their story – their point of view. Be open to listening. Doing this will help both of you stay present, open and engaged.

This sounds easy but it is not. Change will often include difficult conversations.

Through your story, share how their actions affect you / others. For example:

“Bobby, I see you are trying. I also see that you are falling behind schedule and this is impacting the whole team, putting your success, their success and the project success at risk. I’ve seen you do better Bobby, so I’m worried. I notice that you often come to work late and leave early without taking work you can do off-site. Can you tell me what is going on because I want to work with you to come up with a plan to get XYZ done? I don’t want to have to remove you from the project.”

When you share your story / your perspective, you help the elephant see clearly. And when you listen you will also learn why the elephant in the room is behaving the way they are.

They key things to remember are to be honest; don’t be manipulative. They have to feel you want to get to a good outcome – not create more tension. Listen to their story. If you listen to them they will be more open to listening to you.

Happy communicating, mentoring and working with people from all generations.

Click here to join our priority list to receive our latest Business Communication blog posts.

If you enjoyed this post we think you’ll like:

Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Business Writing, Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

Bruce Mayhew on Canada AM

Click on the image to watch us on Canada AM.

Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

Call us at 416.617.0462.

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Bruce Mayhew Consulting

I’d enjoy reading your comments on this post.

Energize Your Team by Igniting Your Corporate Values

Do your employees know how to use your corporate values to make every day yes/no decisions? What about using your corporate values to make critical planning decisions, write copy, guide behaviour, support diversity and even hire the right people? Values are remarkably powerful performance management – performance enhancement tools.

A Real Example Of ‘Trust’ As A Corporate Value

Imagine a company shows their sales team ‘Trust’ by giving them the ability to discount customer pricing on the spot. I experienced this early in my career when I was in corporate sales. Having the trust and the autonomy to discount pricing empowered me; I felt in control. The company’s trust made me feel proud I could use my expertise and judgement in real-time. This was true for the whole corporate sales team.

Values guide how your company fulfills its purpose and
infuses your corporate personality.

Controls and measurements were of course in place. Every month the sales team and management received sales results and percent discount by sales person. Sure, this helped keep us in check; it also created a fun competition to see who could have the highest sales and the lowest discount ratio. We were not rewarded by this ratio, it was a number that helped us sell based on the long-term benefit of the client relationship – not ‘sales by discount’. The main point is, simply knowing the company ‘Trusted‘ us also empowered us – and I believe made us more successful.

When To Define Your Company Values

If you haven’t looked at your values recently, consider this an opportunity to build something special with your employees. This is as an enormous professional development, team building and performance management opportunity. Not only can defining your company values streamline decisions and behaviour… the process can be invigorating.

How To Define Your Company Values: A Sample Process

I don’t believe any two processes will ever be exactly the same. Here are some things to know and/or do.

  1. Know your desired outcome / your purpose. How will you use your values moving forward?
  2. Introduce the project to all your employees. It’s important everyone understands why you are doing this. This supports the process and buy-in when you roll out your core values.
  3. Have the right people available:
    • If you are a large organization, I recommend all employees should be surveyed for input. Then, perhaps assemble a large strategic group to fine-tune the suggestions. Then, have only a senior team or a special advisory team evaluate and select the final ‘serious’ Values Definition Session(s).
    • If you are a small organization, try to include everyone in most of the process… leaving only the final edits – the last 20% of fine tuning should be done by your senior team or a special advisory team made up of people from all levels and all areas of the organization.
  4. What are your ground rules? Employees must feel safe and feel everyone will be listened to.
  5. Know when you want to have it done by.
  6. Have time to interview external people / customers.
  7. Have time set aside for the Values Definition Session. You will possibly need:
    • Time for a big session, likely a half-day is a good start. This would take place after you did an internal survey and spoke with external people / customers. Look for common themes – group your findings.
    • Time to fine-tune… but don’t let this drag out too long. Keep the process moving forward.
  8. Plan to have a launch day. Announce them to your team, customers, website / social media.

Sample Questions For Your High-Level Values Definition Session: Level I

This is not meant to find FINAL results… just get you 80% of the way. Let’s assume you have a gathering of your 75 employees. Bring everyone together in a large room. Set aside at least half-day for this process. In many cases, an outside facilitator will work best. Ask your employees:

  • What’s important to us?
  • What are we most proud of about:
    • Our company?
    • Our culture?
    • Our employees?
    • Our customers?
    • Our suppliers?
    • Our product / service?
    • Other?
  • What do we want to be known for?
    • What are our Core Competencies?
  • What do our customer need / want / value?
    • What are their fears?
    • What might be important to a customer relationship?
  • What do these proposed values mean?
    • How will they guide behavior?
    • How will they be used to make decisions, develop your corporate culture?

Sample Questions For Your High-Level Values Definition Session: Level II: The Last 20%: Refining Findings From Level I

  • Are these values we are willing to hire on?
  • Are these values we are willing to fire on?
  • Are these values we can apply to:
    • Customer relations?
    • Internal development?
    • Product / service development?
    • Other?
  • What do these final values mean?
    • How will they guide behavior?
    • Why are they important?
    • Can we measure them?
    • What will they cost us? For Example: Customer Service costs an organization – but it also drives Customer Satisfaction, Customer Loyalty and Employee Loyalty (all four can be measured).
    • How will values be used develop your corporate culture?

Conclusion

Corporate values require thoughtful identification of the what the organization is and what it wants to be.

Organizational culture is as powerful and as fragile as a living personality – made up of the energy, actions, decisions and behaviours of all employees – and often customers and suppliers.

Happy communicating, mentoring and working with people from all generations.

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Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Business Writing, Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

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Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

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Should We Call Millennials… ‘Millennials’?

I was recently asked about an article published in the Ottawa Citizen titled ‘Liberal government advised not to call young people ‘Millennials’ lest they be insulted’ which writes, “Don’t call young people ‘Millennials’ because they find the term offensive.” The article references focus groups conducted for Employment and Social Development Canada.Fragile Millennial

Here is my view. We are not finding a solution if we drop the word ‘Millennial’. The word ‘Millennial’ isn’t the challenge, the challenge is our intention… it’s that so many people use it to refer to this generation being ‘lazy, entitled, distracted, self-absorbed, impatient’… I can go on. What many people don’t talk about is how this generation is ‘smart, creative, want meaningful work, are socially responsible and motivated (when motivated in the right way)’… I can go on here as well.

Millennials (and Gen Z), are not as fragile as many people think!!!

Let’s realize we could call any generation ‘Gold Dust’ but if we only speak poorly about them we will all learn to find the term offensive. Even the words ‘Gold Dust’ would become a derogatory and insulting label that would elicit strong negative connotations. When we make decisions about someone’s character and abilities (especially negative decisions), based on age, culture, gender or any other characteristic, we are identifying ourselves as the challenge.

It’s not about the labels we call each other, it’s about
learning as much as we can about each other.

It’s good for our relationships, our workspaces and good for society when we cultivate positive intention and positive emotions. We will build compassion. This isn’t about tolerating a different person, a different point of view or a different generation… it’s about making positive choices to learn as much as we can about each other and to reward collaboration over competition.

For example, when I facilitate Generational Differences training I often begin by saying that if I were faced with a problem to solve, I would rather a room filled with Millennials than a room without. I want Millennials because of the freshness, creativity, comfort using technology they bring. I want them because most enjoy collaboration and they work hard when given challenging and important work… and not immediately restricted / controlled as to how they SHOULD solve it. I don’t describe their faults, I introduce their positive nature. Maybe it’s coincidence, but I don’t think so… but I have not been asked to stop referring to them as Millennials. Quite the opposite – they sit up and often become very engaged in the conversation / training. In short, they do what they love doing… they contribute… they share their voice… they collaborate.

Most Millennials work hard when given challenging, important work.
Most Boomers and Gen X work hard also.

If you are holding onto a negative impression of a person, a generation or a culture, I encourage you to do a bit of self-reflection to explore how your negative impression is benefiting you… emotionally or otherwise. You may discover you have some intrinsic motivation (personal or professional benefit), that makes you want to hold onto your belief. Step outside of your comfort zone. When you feel awkwardness, this may be a good signal that you have an opportunity to change some misconceptions that may be holding you… and holding others back.

How can you change your perspective about Millennials… or any other person, generation or culture? Using Millennials as an example… talk with some about their interests, their hopes, dreams, fears. Get to know them… be curious. What has it been like growing up? Share what it was like for you to grow up…and your interests, hopes, dreams and fears. It’s amazing what happens when we have a conversation and learn about each other. This may not be easy at first — your first few conversations might be a bit awkward, but you will get the hang of it. Approach the conversations with positive thoughts and kindness… with the objective to understand – not judge.

In the end, you may agree with me that there is nothing wrong with identifying someone from one generation or another. There are many generational characteristics of Millennials we should all embrace. Same with Boomers and Gen X.  Same with Gen Z. But, let’s look at the opportunities the individual brings to our relationships and our organization based on their life experiences and how these experiences have helped them evolve… as well as their values and what excites them. Oh, and then… let’s not forget their experiences and education. Let’s explore what the ‘People’ we hire can do vs. what they cannot do.

Happy communicating, mentoring and working with people from all generations.

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Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Business Writing, Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

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An Introduction To Gen Z

Now is the time to prepare for a future with Gen Z employees, and as a bonus you’ll likely increase your retention of Millennials as well.

What Are Gen Zs Like?

Gen Zs (also called Homelanders, iGen, Gen Edge), are born between 1995 and 2012; the oldest are 22 years old. While there are only a small percentage in the employment market now, there are many that are in college and university… getting ready for and wanting to be your newest and brightest stars. Gen Zs are a population about the same size as Millennials and within a few years Gen Zs and Millennials will be the dominate energy in the workforce.Millennials At Work Enjoy Learning

In many ways, Gen Z’s are like uber-Millennials.

Millennial children have been told by their Boomer parents they are special, to be confident and they should not settle. Gen Zs have been told much the same thing from their Gen X parents. Ironically, when at work Boomer and Gen X bosses label this confidence narcissistic and entitled.

Gen Z Are Conservative

Gen Zs are conservative like their great-grandparents – the Silent Generation. How can that be? Consider, Gen Zs have grown up in a post 9/11 environment. They have always known global conflict, global terrorism and have lived through 3 recessions. Gen Zs have also seen their Gen X parents being laid off, right-sized and down-sized.

On the home front, Gen Zs also grew up with bike helmets, parents who say, “Call when you get there”, personal GPS, smart-phones, bottled water, side-impact baby carriages, rubber baby spoons vs. metal, non-spillable sippy cups, seat belts, etc.

Translation; their world has always been full of potential risk that they have had to watch out for. These and many other social and economic environments, have molded Gen Zs to be more conservative and take fewer risks than their Millennial brothers and sisters.

Gen Z Don’t See Technology As A Perk

If your organization is using hardware or software that is 2, 3 or more years out of date, Gen Zs will see that as a red flag.

Technology is not a bonus for them – it is an expected investment into their own personal future as well as that of the organization. Consider, Gen Zs’ parents did their best to give their children the latest hardware and software. Their Universities and Colleges also had the latest technology.

If Gen Zs feel they are falling behind their friends / peers in experience or knowledge, their employer will have a retention problem as these highly mobile employees job-hop. So, is it better to invest in the latest hardware and software, or spend money hiring and training new employees over and over again… and keep your out of date technology?

Working Hours / Working Spaces

Gen Zs have always been plugged in – doing homework and connecting with friends around the world. They are tech savvy and see flexibility as efficient. They want to work when they have an idea vs. when they are in the office at their assigned desk. Some autonomy and workplace flexibility will be important to them.

The flexibility that Gen Zs prefer is a BONUS for organizations embracing open-concept and flexible work spaces. It is being proven that flexible, open-concept work spaces spawn creativity and sometimes unexpected, organic cross-functional teams.

MultiTasking

Gen Zs believe they are good multi-taskers, and yet researchers like Daniel Kahneman who referenced in his book ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ have proven very few people are good multitaskers when it comes to doing strategic, complicated and/or unfamiliar tasks.

But, are Gen Zs good at uncomplicated and/or familiar activities? Sure – in fact they may be better at this than any other generation. They have spent their lives being stimulated and entertained. They have listened to music, played video games, watched TV (online), texted friends, attempted homework and chatted on SnapChat all at once.

Gen Zs seem to be very good at blocking out familiar, low-priority distractions (or white noise / grey noise). They may even miss the noise if it’s not there. As a leader this is important to know because we may have to help them learn how to manage distractions. For example, we might agree that headphones are accepted while they do research – but insist that when writing the final report that they put aside their distractions… including the ding-ding-ding of incoming email messages.

How To Motivate Gen Zs

Motivation is a challenge I often hear from Leaders.

There is potential for great motivation. One of the best approaches I can recommend is to trust Gen Zs. When you trust Gen Zs (and Millennials), to work with you to find their ‘best working environment’ they will not want to break your trust. It’s about understanding what commitments you / they want to focus on and then how to organize those commitments.

The other way to motivate Gen Zs is to make sure they see their work as creative, important, exciting and / or an opportunity to develop new skills. Workspace flexibility and/or positive reinforcement will also go a long – long way in building trust and motivating Gen Zs.

It’s important to note that plugged-in Gen Z and Millennials are easily bored and most begin to feel uncomfortable when they are bored. The challenge for most Leaders is to help their Gen Zs learn that it’s OK and be bored and to embrace this time to explore their ideas… feelings… their creativity… or to simply take a mental-rest. Boredom can be a great thing.

Keep Gen Z Accountable

Accountability may mean having a difficult conversation with them to let them know when they let you and the team down. When you do this you will help them build respect for you, the organization and themselves. They will see that their work is important and that they matter… which is a huge motivator for them.

  1. Be clear with your professional project expectations & timelines.
  2. Be clear with your quality expectations.
  3. Be clear about workplace policies – flexibility for example.
  4. Hold employees accountable for their work and quality.
  5. Provide specific, timely feedback… both positive and constructive. Note: Don’t skimp on your positive reinforcement.
  6. Do not linger on past challenges where they may have let you / the team down… but, be sure you follow point 4.

Conclusion

The future is coming – quickly and employers must rethink how work gets done… and how people get motivated, rewarded, engaged, committed and trusting.

Any leader and/or organization that is concerned with their team members’ will be able to find ways to inspire loyally and build resiliance. In contrast, the leader and/or organization that shows concerns for only their success will lose the creativity, commitment and loyalty of their most valuable assets – their employees.

Happy communicating… mentoring… and collaborating.

Click here to join our priority list to receive our latest Business Communication blog posts.

If you enjoyed this post we think you’ll like:

Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Business Writing, Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

Bruce Mayhew on Canada AM

Click on the image to watch us on Canada AM.

Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

Call us at 416.617.0462.

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Bruce Mayhew Consulting

I’d enjoy reading your comments on this post.

What Are Human Skills? Why Should We Care?

I have to admit, I’m not a fan of the emergence of the term human skills. Communication skills, interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence already exist and are broadly understood as skills that (when used), help individuals work with / communicate with / be productive with / build relationships with each other. All of these skills are directly related to motivating, collaborating and thinking creativity.

Never-the-less, lets explore what is meant by human skills.

My approach to human skills is about being aware of oneself… and then being aware of how our words and actions influence the people and environments we engage with. This seems to be in line with the approach of management theorist and social psychologist Robert L. Katz as well as American author, entrepreneur, marketer, and public speaker Seth Godin. Katz believes human skills are, “The ability to work well with other people both individually and in a group,” while Godin goes divides human skills into five categories, which include, “self-control, productivity, wisdom, perception and influence.” These categories encompass our ability to interact collaboratively with others, as well to think strategically and regulate emotions.

No matter how we explain human skills, todays successful leaders and resilient organizations support employees who are attentive, empathic and collaborative. They also support employees who find every opportunity to embrace their personal and corporate values, knowing that these are the qualities that are central to their success as well as the success of their customers and employees.

Supporting human skills might seem quite obvious, but we only have to go back to the 1980’s and 1990’s to recall that technical skill were what most people were hired for. Little attention was paid to a person’s emotional intelligence. Now, as our human skills continue to be encouraged, it will be these skills AND technology that will differentiate each of us and the organizations we employ and are employed by.  Finding a synergy between our soft skills and our knowledge / experience will enable us to able to the rapidly changing world.

For example:

  • Are you a plumber who makes your client feel confident you understand their needs for function and esthetics as you fix their leaky bathtub? Or are you the plumber that simply tears up the drywall to get to the leak – regardless of the mess you create or how to minimize the repair bill after you leave?
  • Are you the coworker that sits at their desk (at home or at the office), and emails information and instruction all day every day? Or do you take advantage of the opportunity to build relationships by speaking with and seeing your coworkers, customers and suppliers (even if you use a phone or visual conferencing software to do it)?
  • Are you the chiropractor, massage therapist or dentist that sees problems that need to be fixed? Or are you the professional who recognizes that your patients are likely experiencing pain, anxiety and fear and that above and beyond their ‘problem’ they need to feel empathy and compassion from you?

Human skills enable us to build trust!

For me, human skills are ‘the’ how we communicate and build relationships as we experience success doing ‘the’ what we do.

Conclusion:

In our rapidly changing economy, the technical aspects of our jobs are changing frequently as new inventions, hardware and software (as an example), are steadily introduced into the market. What is not changing rapidly is the impact of exceptional human skills. Our ability to listen, to be encouraging, to be creative to be empathetic, thoughtful, respectable, appreciative, for the meaning of what we are saying or doing to be understood – that is going to allow us to differentiate ourselves.

It is expected the skills-shortage of the future will be for human skills or more simply put, our ability to motivate, collaborate, adapt and of course… communicate (in all its forms). In our rapidly changing economy, successful people will likely have both technical and interpersonal skills.

Any leader and/or organization that is concerned with their team members’ will inspire loyally and build resiliance. In contrast, the leader and/or organization that shows concerns for only their success will lose the creativity, commitment and loyalty of their most valuable assets.

Happy communicating… mentoring… and collaborating.

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Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Business Writing, Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

Bruce Mayhew on Canada AM

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Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

Call us at 416.617.0462.

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How To Prepare For A Great Brainstorming Session

Doing what the next guy (or gal), is doing might keep you afloat for the next little while… but if you want to differentiate yourself, then yes… it’s time to challenge your perspective and think outside the box. It’s time to notice things you didn’t notice before.

Brainstorming is a great way to begin seeing familiar processes – or challenges in a new way. And, it can be done alone or by yourself – often with very little preparation.

Brainstorming

Here are a five short – easy creative exercises that will help you change your perspective and discover insights that have remained completely unknown to you.

  1. Explore a completely different industry (I struggle with the word new – because it might only be new to you? What do they do? What are they… or their industry doing that is unique to their industry, customers? Were there any innovations, tactics and / or marketing campaigns that catapulted them forward?
  2. Explore a different culture. What is unique about it? What are they known for? What are their values? Do they align with your values / your customers values?? 300 years ago – what was their culture like?
  3. Find someone totally disconnected to your world and ask them what they think. Especially if you are a Senior Executive or person of authority, getting people to speak with you openly / truthfully may be a challenge. So, talk to your elders / grandparents. They are a great source of experience (and often not afraid to tell you what they think). Whoever you speak to – don’t constrain their creativity or shut them down by saying things like, “I’ve tried that,” or worse… “that’s a dumb idea.”
    • Ask a child what they would do… they don’t have any preconceived notions.
    • Teachers / professors or an industry mentor are a great source of knowledge, experience, inspiration.
    • Ask someone from a completely different industry / country… they may not any preconceived approaches.
  4. What are some people or industries that are making waves… in a good way? Its important to think of all three things.
    • What are they doing?
    • Why are they doing it?
    • And for sure… how are they doing it?
  5. Commit to a learning cycle to stay currents and creative. Ideally – your learning cycle will last forever… but for now let’s look short term. Here are six ways to learn that I actively participate in and recommend:
    • Take a class / course
    • Read a book (or five)
    • Listen to a podcast (or five)
    • Attend a conference
    • Drink more coffee / tea… as you speak to people you respect from you and other industries
    • Take a long walk / drive / bike ride or swim by yourself. It’s amazing how clear your head might get

One way I like to get creative and think outside the box (without an agenda), is to listen to CBC Radio 1. There are a few shows like Ideas, Tapestry, and Writers and Company that I find energize / exercise my creativity… especially if I am driving. Note: all of these shows are also available via podcast (convenient).

Conclusion

Every once in a while, stand still and look at things or situations differently.

No matter what method or methods you use to brainstorm, all of them will teach you a new way of looking at an old problem… or even a problem you didn’t even know you were facing.

Happy communicating… mentoring… and brainstorming.

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Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Business Writing, Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

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Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

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How To Manage Difficult Conversations At Work

In many cases difficult conversations rarely get a chance to happen. Instead, we spend days, weeks, even years telling ourselves (and perhaps our unfortunate partners at home), stories about how rude, inappropriate, unhelpful and/or arrogant some people are. We rarely have the conversation with the person or people we are having difficulty with. We bring our own preconceptions to the events and don’t even get close to finding a viable solution. So… does the challenge get resolved? No… like a coffee maker, our stories keep perking – getting stronger and more bitter as time goes by.

Difficult Conversations Perk

Presto© Coffee Perk

Note for clarification: Firing someone isn’t a difficult conversation. Having a difficult conversation often starts uncomfortable but usually leads to quickly working with someone to help you and them understand a disruptive situation and correct it.

Lets face it – in a heated moment we all tell ourselves stories. What matters is how long we allow ourselves to be ‘stuck’ telling our stories. Your stories likely sound something like:

¤  She did ABC because she just knew I wanted XYZ.
¤  It’s like he thinks none of us know what we are doing.
¤  He always interrupts us because he doesn’t value our ideas.

If we do nothing we don’t find solutions. Instead we tell stories that build walls and increase stress while also degrading the quality creativity and productivity of our work environments. And if we keep it up, we may even put our employment status at risk.

Of course, while these negative stories go on and on, the person who is challenging us often knows nothing of our internal struggle. Until we talk to the person who is challenging us, we stay frustrated but we do not know their true motivation and beliefs – we only know our (biased), guess of Why the problem happened.

How To Quit Telling Yourself Difficult Stories And Start Having Difficult Conversations

  1. Most importantly, reclaim space and authority to build community. Take back your power to do something good… even though it may be difficult. I bet, 9 times out of 10 it will get better… and it is certainly better than you telling yourself difficult stories for months or years on end.
  2. Realize when you are telling difficult stories.
  3. Know that our subconscious often adds fuel to the fire; what we feel we make real. We may even subconsciously do or say things that promote a behavour. If you think your challenger will be:

¤  Creative – he will be creative “Wow Bruce, that is a great fresh approach.”
¤  Arrogant – she will be arrogant. “Yvette is such a know-it-all.”
¤  Rude – you will see examples of rudeness.
¤  Dismissive – you will feel you are being disrespected and dismissed.

  1. Show emotion but don’t be emotional. Tap into your empathy and that of the other person / people, “I’m feeling uncomfortable about something that happened yesterday but I feel it’s important we discuss it so I understand it better. Do you have some time now?”
  2. Explore WHAT someone did – not WHY. Stories that focus on Why is a path that often leads to blame (and the Dark Side for Star Wars fans). And if we haven’t spoken with anyone, our stories about WHY are also speculation which is dangerous and not helpful. Consider, they may not have even noticed they did XYZ.
  3. Let’s consider a situation at work when someone did something inappropriate / against policy. If someone does something outside of work boundaries then it needs to be addressed – not because someone is rude, disrespectful or mean… but because WHAT they did is inappropriate. Inappropriate behaviour must change in order to support a trusting, creative, collaborative environment. And while the conversation may be uncomfortable… even difficult conversation… in the majority of time it doesn’t need to get heated… in my experience.
  4. On rare occasions – do nothing. If it happens once, then sure – you may choose to let it slide… but if it is behavior that repeats, it should be discussed ASAP for the harmony of the team.

If you don’t manage difficult conversations, what are your options?

¤  Do nothing and keep being stressed
¤  Wait until you have had enough, lose your temper and yell at them.
¤  Continue to complain to all your coworkers and your partner

They don’t sound like great options. I recommend having a calm conversation where you share your observations and how those actions make you feel. I’d say something like, “When we are in meetings I feel you often interrupt me when I’m speaking. It makes me feel like you don’t value what I have to say. I wanted check in with you and see if you noticed and what might be happening.” This should start a helpful, respectful, calm conversation.

In conflict situations, you decide how you are going to respond when something doesn’t go your way. Be conscious to Feed Positive Energy – not the negative energy. Elevate the conversation. As we see Michelle Obama saying in this Youtube video, “When they go low, we go high.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mu_hCThhzWU

Before difficult situations even happen, choose how you want to act. Who do you want to be in a difficult relationship? Do you want to be the person who shuts down, the person who screams or the person who moves on? OR, do you want to be the manager that deals with the situation?

Instead of generating a negative conversation, elevate the conversation – add positive energy to the conversation and your feedback. Take control of how you act – how you feel – what you own. Ask yourself:

¤  When I think someone is Rude, How do I act?
¤  When I think someone is Selfish, How do I act?
¤  When I think someone is Unsupportive, How do I act?
¤  When I think someone is Aggressive, How do I act?
¤  When I think someone is Taking More Than Their Share, How do I act?

Conclusion

More hate doesn’t beat someone else’s hate; more rudeness doesn’t beat someone else’s rudeness – they just breed more hate, rudeness and frustration.  The only thing that can beat negativity is respect and talking about it.  It doesn’t always fix the problem, but if you start showing respect and listening to the person who shows you hate, rudeness or frustration,  eventually everyone will see them as being the A$$#!*& – not you. Your reputation will improve. Theirs… not so much.

It is amazing what happens when you build trust / build respect between parties. With a base of trust two people could discuss and try a proposed solution quickly vs. discuss and debate it for hours or days. The beauty is that if you try you would both be able to quickly evaluate what worked / didn’t work and perhaps how to improve.  

If we keep telling ourselves difficult stories we will never find a mutually beneficial / satisfactory solution and office productivity and morale will go down as our stress levels go up. Having difficult conversations is far better better.

Happy communicating… mentoring… and training.

Click here to join our priority list to receive our latest Business Communication blog posts.

If you enjoyed this post we think you’ll like:

Bruce Mayhew Consulting is an Executive Coach who facilitates courses including Business Writing, Email Etiquette, Generational Differences, Time Management, Leadership and Mindfulness.

Bruce Mayhew on Canada AM

Click on the image to watch us on Canada AM.

Find answers to your Professional Development questions / needs at brucemayhewconsulting.com.

Call us at 416.617.0462.

View Bruce Mayhew's profile on LinkedIn

Bruce Mayhew Consulting

I’d enjoy reading your comments on this post.

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